


Look to the Sky

by VintageVulpes



Series: When Two Stars Collide [2]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Part Two, References to Torture, Rescue Mission, Violence, care taking, literally just angst/hurt/comfort, lovelies just want to be happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-02-18 23:42:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22968442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VintageVulpes/pseuds/VintageVulpes
Summary: There were so many things she wanted to do: 

Touch him
	Comfort him
		Kiss him
			Hold him.

So many things she wanted to say: 

I love you
	I’m sorry
		I missed you… Please, don’t die.Instead, she pressed her blaster into his hand, curling his fingers around it....
.
.Continuation from Home but it 100% can be read as stand alone
Relationships: Cassian Andor & Jyn Erso, Cassian Andor/Jyn Erso
Series: When Two Stars Collide [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1650613
Comments: 26
Kudos: 70





	1. Rescue

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter is pure angst. Sorry not sorry. Heed the tags, pals!
> 
> Not beta read. I don't own Star Wars or their characters.
> 
> OH! Also, my Spanish is a little rusty since, well, 'use it don't lose it' and I have not been using it. So, I backed it up with google translator but if I made any grammar mistakes... please, _please_ tell me!  
> .  
> .  
> .
> 
> Spoiler alert/trigger warning: near the beginning of this chapter Cassian is confused and attacks Jyn for a moment. If that's a trigger or makes you uncomfortable, stop reading around the time she starts undoing shackles then pick it back up around the time Jyn says "amado". 

Jyn walked up to the terminal at the lobby of the prison ward and looked both ways, checking to make sure no one was coming up behind her, then opened up the screen. Each cell lit up as red, meaning someone was inside, imprisoned, and she realized that she should care, maybe open up every single one to give them all a fighting chance but she was here for one person and she couldn't risk jeopardizing her mission. She flicked through the roster as rapidly as she could, her eyes darting from right to left and back again until she finally came to a name that she recognized and though she felt relief to see his name her heart twisted painfully in her chest, her stomach flipped uncomfortably. 

She memorized the cell number and left the terminal in a rush, still checking over her shoulder every so often and peeking around each corner before she turned it. Her blaster was held in her gloved hand, her palms too sweaty to not be wearing the brown leather despite how hot it was in the base. Jyn had her hair pulled up into a high ponytail, her bangs were damp and clung to her forehead which kept them out of her eyes, and each time she turned her head her ponytail whipped to slap her cheeks but she barely noticed. With each step she took that went unnoticed by imperial loyalists, her heartbeat thrummed louder and louder in her ears and her swallowing became hindered by the growing lump in her throat. 

Finally she got to the cell and checked the overhead number twice, behind her three times, before she finally slid her stolen keycard through the slot and the gray door whished open rapidly. The sight and smell that greeted her made her nostrils flare, acid rising and settling behind her sternum. It was rotten in the room; too hot and smelled of sick and burnt flesh -- the metallic taste of blood in the air. Her chin quivered and finally she entered and glared at the torture device in front of Cassian, then to where he was forced to stand against a metal table; his wrists, chest, and ankles strapped down. 

The device was turned off but she recognized it nonetheless, knew how it burned like fire without an actual flame and electrocuted like an exposed, hot wire as the victim was pressed against it. In the corner was a deactivated IT-0 droid and Jyn’s gaze instantly went back to Cassian where she could see the needle holes on his neck, mottled with bruises around each injection site. 

The door closed behind her and she looked over her shoulder, her ponytail whipping her face, before she turned back to Cassian. Finally, she managed the last few steps to him and she felt tears prick against her eyes, blurring her vision when she needed to be the most vigilant. 

Although he was strapped to the metal slab, barely reclined, his head was unsupported, his chin touching his chest at an angle she knew must ache and cause even more pain when he was awake and had to hold his head upright. Cassian’s hair hung away from his face, obscuring her view of him but she could see the pallor of his skin against the dark bruising and swelling in his flesh, the sheen of sweat that covered him and stained his, previously white, shirt which clung to his arms and chest. His shirt was unfastened almost all the way, loose and untucked from his pants, his sleeves were rolled down but she could see bruises peeking out from under his cuffs. Her lips twitched, her jaw clenching and unclenching as mixed rage and despair filled her. She set her blaster down on the device in front him before she rolled it slightly to the side so when she freed him he would not fall against it. 

She lifted her hands to his face and gently leaned him back, brushing his hair away from his face with one hand while the other supported his neck as gently as she physically could. “Cassian,” she whispered. “Cass, wake up. I’m here…” she urged and looked over her shoulder for a brief moment. 

His moan of pain was like a blaster bolt to her abdomen, his eyes fluttered but he did not wake. 

“I’m going to get you out of here,” she muttered and made sure his head was stable on his neck, not to fall at that uncomfortable angle again, before she crouched in front of him and undid the shackles at his ankles. Next she got the band around his chest and he shifted under her touch, she looked up but his eyes were still closed, so she continued to his wrists. 

The moment he was entirely free, he sprang to life and grabbed her by the front of her shirt and by her neck as he rushed her backwards with surprising speed and force to slam her against the wall. She jolted at the contact, trying to keep her head from impacting too hard but his palm was against her throat, fingers just under her jaw as he pressed hard enough to cut off her air supply. 

Jyn looked into his eyes as her hands scrambled and pulled at his wrist, the sides of his palms, at his fingers. He was wild, feral, as he glared but he wasn’t meeting her wide, frightened eyes; he didn’t see her. His gaze was unfocused as he looked through her and seethed, angry and hurt. Afraid. 

“Cass,” she rasped and used one hand to reach out and touch his face, the other still gripping his wrist as though it would alleviate the pressure. 

He didn’t move, didn’t so much as flinch at the new contact. 

Choking, Jyn tried to lift her chin to straighten out her airway and managed; “ _amado_.” 

For a moment, as before, nothing changed but just as she was considering the use of force to free herself -- not wanting to but figuring it was better than dying so close to finally rescuing her beloved -- Cassian blinked and his eyes focused on her. 

She let out a strangled gasp and squeezed her fingers around his wrist. All at once he released her and he took a step away from where she still stood against the wall. “Jyn…” 

Jyn dropped from her toes to standing flat footed again and wheezed in new air, her nostrils still burned from the awful smell the room held, but it was better than not breathing at all. She nodded and forced a smile, trying to reassure him but her heart was still broken at seeing how hurt he was; knowing how much he must have suffered. 

Now that he was looking at her she could see that his left eye was swollen, petechiae in the whites of his eye, and she approached slowly with her hands out to calm him as he looked around frantic, panting. 

“It's me,” she whispered and his gaze snapped back to hers and he held perfectly still as she finally closed the space between him, one hand in his and the other touching her fingertips to his jaw. “I'm here. I came to get you... you're going to be okay...” 

He nodded and gripped her hand in a vice, hard enough that she had to hide a wince. 

Just as she was about to explain her plan of getting him out, his legs buckled under him and she rushed to get her arms under his armpits but it was so sudden, he was so heavy, that she went down with him. He landed on his side in the fetal position and moaned in agony, his nose wrinkled and forehead furrowed. For a moment he stopped breathing, a vein popping out in his neck and she whispered his name harshly, still afraid of bringing too much unwanted attention to his cell, as she lifted his head off the floor with her left hand, cradling him in her palm.

When he didn’t recover right away, his chest still, she shook his shoulder and gave up on subtity as she shouted, “breathe!” 

Finally he started to pant through clenched teeth, his breaths staggered and few in between; holding his breath to limit whatever pain it caused.

“Okay, hey,” she crooned, shoving her hand into her pocket as she pulled out a few cylinder vials, her right hand shaking but she kept her voice steady. “Hang on… just hold on…” she figured out which one was the anesthetic, the one with red liquid, and pressed the end of the dispenser against his thigh as he shuddered under her. Jyn depressed the release and a small hiss followed as the device injected him with the pain reliever. 

“Jyn… _my head_ ,” he whimpered and curled tighter in on himself, his knees to his chest and his forehead pressed against her leg, still cradled in her other palm, his cheek hot against her forearm.

“Just hold on…” she pleaded and watched his expression as it slowly relaxed, the medpac kicking in. 

He groaned and let out a choking sound and she felt like her stomach had twisted into a knot of fire. Cassian rolled onto his back and she shuffled, on her knees, closer to him. She leaned over him, her right hand resting over his chest with her thumb in the space between his collarbones. 

“Hey, you’re going to be okay. I’ve got you, see? I missed you. Look, it’s me,” she rambled and searched for his gaze as he looked around idly, unfocused again. “Cassian.” Jyn shook him; her hands going to either side of his head, her thumbs pressed against his ears and fingers tangled in his damp hair, to force him to look in her direction. 

After a moment he found her face and two creases formed between his eyebrows. His lower lip quivered some and tears rolled from the corners of his eyes, down his temples and against her palms. “It hurts. It hurts so bad, Jyn…” 

She let out a despairing sob and nodded. “I know, I know... I'm sorry…” Then she looked over her shoulder and moved her hands to his shoulders. “Cassian, I need you to get up. Help me, Cassian… get up.” 

“I can't,” he protested and groaned, his eyes pinched shut. "I can't," he repeated.

“Yes! Yes, you can! Please, we have to go,” she pleaded. She knew it was unfair to expect so much of him, he had been captured for at least eight days and only he and his torturers knew how long he had endured as much pain as he had. Jyn grappled for the rest of the metal vials, their surfaces clattering like chimes against the floor as she fumbled. She found the one with blue liquid and injected him with the stim. 

His pupils, already blown wide from the pain and fear, dilated wider as the stim's added adrenaline coursed through his veins and Jyn could barely see a ring of brown. He jolted, taking in a sharp breath, and while he caught his breath, he looked around with more attentiveness than he had since he first snapped to attention and attacked her blindly, she gathered what remained and shoved them back into her pockets. When she was ready and demanded he help her get him back on his feet and drag him out, he sat up and let her grab his arms. Once they were both back on their feet, Jyn pulled his left arm over her shoulders while she wrapped her right arm around his waist. 

He let out a few suffering groans but they got into a good position and walked towards the door, his breathing heavy. Jyn worried that he might give them away. With a grimace she turned her head to look up at him and he caught her gaze and nodded after pinching his eyes shut for a moment. Despite the pain and disorientation, Cassian understood what was at stake so he swallowed all the pain while Jyn walked them back the way they came, her left hand gripping her blaster she snatched off the table on their way out. 

After ten minutes of skirting along walls and hiding behind corners, praying to whatever gods, the force, anything, that was listening they wouldn’t be discovered, Cassian started to lose whatever strength the combined drugs provided him. When he stumbled, Jyn nearly went down with him until he diverted the kinetic energy and pressed up against the nearby wall. She readjusted her hold on him and looked up. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered and let out a shuddering sigh through his nose, his lips tugging into a deep frown, one Jyn feared might shatter his face. “I’m sorry, Jyn…” 

“Sssh…” she hushed and shifted his weight back onto her. “We’re almost there. Just… just a little bit furthe--” the sound of multiple footsteps reverberated through the hall and her words caught in her throat. 

Cassian looked up with wide eyes and the both of them looked around for a place to hide but they were entirely exposed now except for a doorway to the otherside of the hall. She pulled him away from the wall and they dragged themselves to the left side and she tried her key card, whispering nonsensical wishes that it would work. 

The door slid open and without looking inside first, Jyn shoved him through the door, into the darkened room, and then herself. She shut the door behind them quickly and looked around to make sure she hadn’t just stumbled into a meeting of underground imperial agents. With the lights already out except one -- to conserve energy -- she found they were in a control room of sorts but no one was inside. While they waited for the footsteps to fade beyond their hiding place, Jyn looked back up at Cassian and her heart plummeted like she was free falling. He looked so pale; a stark contrast to his usually, warm, tanned skin. Her fears of losing him came to the forefront of her mind and she shook against him while blinking away tears. 

There were so many things she wanted to do:
    
    
      _Touch him
    	Comfort him
    		Kiss him
    			Hold him._
    

So many things she wanted to say:
    
    
      _I love you
    	I’m sorry
    		I missed you
                                 … Please, don’t die._
    

Instead, she pressed her blaster into his hand, curling his fingers around it so she could reach into her pocket and pull out the vials again. She bounced the two of them up and down in her palm, getting them to reveal the liquid color in the small glass window of the metal vials, once she had the red one, she pinched it between her thumb and other fingers while shoving her hand back in her pocket to release the last blue one inside. Cassian was watching her every move but she didn’t care, didn’t bother looking up into his wounded, dilated eyes -- she needed to focus. 

“I’m injecting you with another analgesic,” she advised and he nodded. 

Like before, Jyn injected him in the thigh, through his navy blue pants, and winced when she heard the hiss of the release. Even something so quiet sounded loud in the silent room, while they waited on pins and needles to be discovered or not. Normally she would toss the emptied injector aside but it would only clatter, tiny but audible. So she pocketed it again just as the door whooshed open. 

Without hesitation, Jyn snatched her blaster back and pivoted to face the door again, her grip on Cassian’s side tightening. The men in gray turned on the lights and walked inside, talking about something trivial that made the other laugh, but when they turned and saw her blaster pointed at their nose they froze. One started to raise their hands in the air until they saw Cassian and the other simply looked put out, like they were a minor inconvenience rather than a threat. 

“Get inside,” she ordered, her voice and hand much steadier than they had been when she was alone with Cassian, seeing him for the first time in a month. 

They followed her command and shut the door and she clenched her jaw. She was about to go onto the next demand when the other one, who could not be bothered with them, tilted his head to the side and arched one eyebrow. “You’ll never make it. Not with him,” he said with a laugh and her finger itched, twitched. 

“Shut up,” she snapped and readjusted her hold on Cassian. 

He did but the smug smirk on his face was worse than his words.

“Pull out your cuffs-” 

“You’re not going to make it--”

“I said, _shut up_ and pull out your cuffs!” Finally they both unclipped their standard handcuffs off their belts and held them out. “You,” she pointed at the fidgety one with the barrel of her blaster. “Cuff him, both hands, to the pipe over your head there.” 

The one she ordered looked up and pointed at it for confirmation and she nodded just as Cassian huffed her name against the side of her neck, his breath puffing against her skin and giving her chills. They were running out of time, they both knew it. 

“Hurry up,” she barked. The smug one kept his eyes on her the entire time, flicking to Cassian every so often while his partner strung him up so he had to stand on his toes to be cuffed as ordered to the pipe. “Get his key out of his pocket,” Jyn demanded and watched as he did so. “Now give him both of your keys,” she said and nodded her head in Cassian’s direction. 

Cassian held his hand out and closed his fingers around the keys once they were both placed in his palm. 

“Now cuff yourself…” She looked around and then jerked her chin over to where the pipe came down the wall and disappeared into the floor. “To that pipe,” she finished. 

She heard the click of cuffs around the pipe and his right wrist and was about to re-open the door to leave when it opened on its’ own accord and three more men walked in. 

Jyn felt like she could actually scream in frustration but she turned her blaster on them and fired three shots instead. Then, for the sake of it, Jyn fired two extra shots at the two who had originally stumbled into their hiding place. “C’mon,” she encouraged and dragged Cassian along with her as they stepped over the blockade of bodies in the doorway, tiptoeing between their limbs until they were in the hallway. 

Already the alarm was wailing in response to shots fired, the halls flashing red and Cassian was trying to get her attention but she ignored it all. She shot her way through anyone that popped around the corner and when they started to get shot from behind, she pivoted them around so Cassian was shielded behind her and shot them too. When they finally got to the main door, there was a line of agents and stormtroopers -- men in armor she never thought she would see again -- standing in their way. 

Biding her time to think of how to get passed them, Jyn pressed their backs against the wall just around the corner of their line of site. She inhaled deeply and stared at the wall across from them until Cassian said her name again, strangled and desperate. 

“What,” she asked, breathless, and looked up at him.

He shifted his weight for a moment then parted his lips to speak but he seemed to realize something and instead just exhaled sharply and rested his forehead against hers for a moment. Jyn closed her eyes and leaned against his forehead in return, her heart clenching in her chest. When they pulled back, Jyn pressed her blaster into his hand again and reached behind herself, to the small of her back, where she had a thermal grenade. She pulled it out, showed it to Cassian, who nodded, and she activated it, cooked it for a moment, then rolled it over to where the line of defense was. Jyn immediately turned back to Cassian and pulled his head down against his shoulder, wrapping her free arm around his head to cover his ears. 

They saw it, of course, but because she had held it for an extra two to three seconds, the moment they did notice it, it exploded. 

After the detonation, she released Cassian’s head and dragged him back around the corner and out the open door, which led right into the public streets of the city of Serenno. The civilians all looked stunned at hearing an explosion but when they emerged, no one seemed to care and continued on their way. 

Jyn holstered her blaster and used her other hand to hold onto Cassian’s wrist as she increased their speed through the crowd, down the street, and into an alley between two skyscrapers. She leaned him against the cool wall and ordered him to stay there while she went down a few more paces, behind a pile of trash pressed against the side of the building. When she returned it was with two bags, one of which she dropped at his feet and the other she opened and pulled out a long coat with a hood. 

“Here,” she muttered and helped him get it on one arm at a time. 

After she fastened it, she pulled the hood up over his head so it covered most of his face. Once he was covered up, disguised, she went back into that bag and pulled out a disguise for herself; a white tunic that she pulled on over her brown and black clothing and let her hair down around her shoulders again as she brushed her bangs to one side. When she was done, she kicked the bag off to the side and grabbed the second one by the strap to pull up around her neck. 

Just as she finished, Cassian started to list over to one side, sliding down the wall. “No, no, no… Cassian,” she grabbed his shoulders to right him and forced his gaze on her. “Stay with me.”

He stared at her for a moment then blinked once, twice, before he finally nodded just as she pulled out the final stim and injected it into his thigh. Cassian sighed and bowed his head for a moment, letting the effects of the stim wash over him, and he nodded again. “I’m with you.”

“Good. Now, we’re not going to make it to the ship,” she said, looking him up and down. “There’s a hotel-” 

A group of imperials, dressed in civilians clothes, ran by and she closed the distance between them, huddling close with her back to the entrance of the alleyway. When the coast was clear, she looked over her shoulder then back up at him. 

“We’ll go there. It’s only a few buildings down,” she finished and ducked her head to make sure he was looking at her, listening to her. “You need to keep your face hidden. Do you understand me, Cassian? Keep your head low, bury your face against my neck and pretend you can’t keep your hands off of me -- pretend we’re on honeymoon, okay?” 

His eyes smiled and he bent his face closer to hers. “Are you asking me to adore you, Jyn,” he whispered. 

She smiled, something fleeting and weak, and nodded. “Just for a few minutes while we check in,” she responded, knowing how tired he was. 

“I think I can handle that.” 

Jyn grinned and turned her back to him so he could wrap around her from behind and he kissed her neck, right where he already knew she was sensitive and a pleasant shudder ran through her body as she leaned into his touch, her head tilted the opposite direction to give him more access. 

“Like that?” He breathed against her skin and she nodded as she walked them out of the alley and back into the daylight. 

They walked a few paces, Jyn keeping a watchful eye out for anyone paying too much attention to them while Cassian kept his face tilted to touch against hers, his arms around her waist and chin resting on her shoulder. It was an awkward gait and he stumbled a few times, tipping on his feet, but it passed as them being disgustingly in love rather than barely alive. 

“How did you find me,” he asked. 

She inhaled shakily and looked ahead to the sign of the hotel -- it was close to where they just escaped, she hoped it would throw off the imperials; hide them in plain sight. “Not fast enough,” she replied, dodging the actual question. 

Cassian grunted but she couldn’t tell if it was an acknowledgement or from pain. Either way, Jyn did not bother to ask. She kept her eyes fixed on the path before them, one step at a time, trying to ignored the sick twist in her stomach every time she heard Cassian's breath rattle, his hot breath puffing against her skin. Still, it was an anchor. A reminder. She had found him and he was free. 

"We're almost there."


	2. Hide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now for the comfort...
> 
> The usual: not beta-read, blah blah blah -- I don't own Star Wars or characters
> 
> I hope you enjoy :)

When they got to their destination, the hotel, walking right past a group of imperials that blended in with the crowd in civilian clothes as best they could but to Jyn and Cassian they could not be more obvious in the way they stood in a circle in the middle of the street, spouting off their plans and their search radius. Jyn opened the door and Cassian turned up his acting a notch by feigning a laugh and nuzzling against her neck. 

She got them to the front desk and smiled pleasantly, flashing teeth and tilting her head to the side innocently. “We need a-” she squeaked when his lips passed against her jaw, selling their cover as best she could. “‘Scuse me; we need a room for the next couple nights.”

The owner looked between them with a bored expression. Then to Cassian, trying to catch his gaze though Jyn hoped he would not. "Hiding from the wife, eh?”

“Ah, no…” she said with a furrowed brow. In any other situation she would have retorted with something equally as nasty but they needed a room and a secure place so instead she shook her head coyly and giggled. “We just married. This is my husband, Atton Rand and I’m Sera Ni--” she cut herself off and smiled bashfully. “Sera _Rand_.” 

“Congratulations,” he grumbled and typed up something in his terminal before the screen in front of her flashed the rate per night for her to punch in how many nights she wanted to stay. She entered in for three, just in case, and paid up front. Then she leaned closer and slid a credit chit across the counter. 

“We appreciate our privacy,” she said in a firm tone, meeting his gaze. 

The twi’lek lifted his chin regarded her seriously now as he covered the chit with his hand and off the counter, into his pocket. “Of course,” he replied and politely bowed his head just as Cassian deliberately squeezed one of her sides. 

Cassian had stopped kissing some time ago and now just rested his head on his shoulder and breathed. She quickly shared a meaningful look with the owner before looking to the interior. 

“Lift is down the hall to the left. Your room is on the third floor. Room B.”

“Thanks,” she replied and walked towards the lift, Cassian barely keeping up with her pace while still trying to act normal. 

Once they were in the cab, Cassian tried to let go but she held him close. “There’s cameras, just hold on a second more,” she pleaded and he let out a long suffering sigh but nodded just as the doors opened on the third floor with a couple of mirialans waiting just outside to get into the lift. They excused themselves as Jyn did the same and they side-stepped one another; to let Jyn and Cassian by before the other two entered. 

Jyn checked the sign on the wall opposite the lift doors and moved to the left towards rooms A through F. She got to their door and hurriedly opened it and rushed Cassian through before slamming her hand on the control panel to not only close it but lock it behind them. Then she shifted around Cassian so they were flush, side to side once again, and led him past the small foyer which had the door to the refresher to their left and around the corner where the bed was pressed against the refresher wall, facing a window with a nightstand on either side. Cassian all but belly flopped onto the mattress and released a relieved sob as he pressed his cheek into the comforter. 

Her heart was so constricted Jyn worried for a moment that it would stop beating all together. She stroked his hair, from the top of his head to the back of his neck, her other hand braced on the mattress before she pushed herself away and went to the window to draw the curtains. 

“No.” Cassian grunted and shifted in his place on the bed, his eyes meeting her gaze. “Leave ‘em…” he mumbled. 

She stared at him then looked out the window, realizing the natural light was what he craved. 

Clenching her jaw, Jyn stalled her efforts, knowing that they were high enough off the ground that no one could see them anyway. For now she would leave it. Then she walked back and pulled her bag off her shoulder, from around her neck and dropped it at the foot of the bed so she could open it and get what she needed; a med scanner, water, and portion bread. She gathered them into her arms and went to Cassian’s side at the bed, where his legs were still handing off the edge and he was still lying diagonally across the width of the mattress. 

Jyn set the items down on the nightstand and went to Cassian’s legs. “Okay, _amado_ , stay awake.” 

“Mmmm,” he moaned and shook his head against the comforter. “‘m tired.”

“I know,” she replied, her voice cracking, hearing the despair in his voice broke her heart. “Just twenty minutes, Cassian, please… give me twenty minutes to take care of you and then you can sleep.” Jyn waited until he nodded then she grabbed his legs and swung them onto the bed while he shuffled himself into the proper position, laying with his head on the pillow and resting on his back. The very effort of doing so resulted in him sucking air between his teeth and letting out small sounds of distress in the back of his throat until finally he could stop moving and caught his breath while staring up at the ceiling. 

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered and sat on the edge of the bed, facing him. 

He rolled his head to the right and met her gaze with bleary eyes, his expression exhausted; too weak to scrunch up his features in discomfort. His hand shifted from resting on his stomach to her right thigh. “You came for me…” he said, discouraging her guilt. 

Her lip quivered and she bent over him, resting her forehead over his sternum. “If I had known,” she began but trailed off and sniffled. Another moment to gather strength from his touch was stolen but afterwards she lifted her head and gripped his biceps gently. “I need you to sit up, Cassian, please. It’s important.”

Without complaint, he nodded and braced his hands to either side of his hips, on the bed, and pushed up while she supported him at his back and left side until he was leaning against the headboard, the mattress creaking with their effort. “Good. You’re doing so well, Cass…” she praised when he closed his eyes and breathed through the hurt. “Almost there.” 

Then she grabbed the water and pressed the container into his hand, wrapping his fingers around it. “Drink,” Jyn ordered.

Cassian started to lift it but his arm started to shake and he nearly dropped it -- and would have, if Jyn didn’t catch his hand against the container and surround it with both of her smaller ones. “It’s okay,” she promised when he let out a frustrated sound in the back of his throat. “Cass, it’s okay.” With her help, Cassian managed several sips of water until she forced him to give it back. “You need to pace yourself,” she said before she brought the water over the small, tin dish with powder in it. 

After a couple of drops of water, she stirred it together with a metal spoon and the portion bread rose into a full loaf. Finally she capped the container of water and grabbed the bread, pulling it apart into a small piece before she handed it to Cassian to eat while she worked. “Try your best,” she encouraged when he looked at her skeptically. Then she grabbed the scanner and waved it over him from head to toe, searching for internal injury. 

When she finished she pulled it away and looked at the results, sighing in bittersweet relief when only two things came up. 

“What’s it say,” Cassian asked, chewing some bread in one side of his mouth, his eyelids drooping.

She looked up from the reading which listed the recommended treatment underneath each treatment and she pursed her lips against her teeth. “Two cracked ribs and some swelling in your brain,” she informed but she didn't know whether or not it was a good thing that most of the torture seemed to revolve around psychological rather than physical.

Cassian nodded and shifted his position against the pillows and took one more bite of bread before he held it to her to take, unable to eat anymore. She looked at it and her stomach tightened around the knot of dread settled there; he had barely eaten half of the quarter-loaf she had handed him. 

“Two more bites, Cass… Please,” she implored. 

He swallowed thickly, looking at her earnest challenge with a look of exhaustion but slowly he brought the piece of bread back up to his lips and took another bite. After rewarding his efforts with a smile and a lingering kiss to his forehead, Jyn returned to her caretaking by going to her bag and rummaging around for the medications the scanner recommended. Inside her bag she had an entire medbay’s worth of drugs, bacta patches, and other such emergency treatments -- all stolen from the Alliance base before she had left. 

When she returned, Cassian had finished what bread she had given him, the entire quarter loaf, and Jyn felt a relief wash over her so completely she almost laughed. Jyn met his gaze and she could tell he felt proud of the accomplishment, though he said nothing, and she placed the vials down to rest next to his right hip while she sat down on the edge of the bed again and cupped his right cheek in her palm while petting his hair back from his forehead with her other fingers, leaning closer to him. “You are doing so well, Cassian, you’re so strong.”

Cassian nodded into her hands, one corner of his mouth lifting slightly, and blinked slowly. 

“Do you have any external wounds,” she asked as she dropped her touch and recovered the medicines. When he didn’t reply right away she looked back up at him and raised her eyebrows. “Cassian.”

Finally, he shook his head numbly. “No, no I don’t think so.” 

Worried he might be lying or ignorant to a serious problem, Jyn went to undo his jacket that he was still wrapped up in. He caught her hands, surprising her with the strength in his grip despite the trembling. "Jyn, I don't. I'm just… _I want to sleep_ …" 

Her heart broke for him all over again and slowly she nodded, relenting to his request. "Okay, alright…" she whispered and grabbed the vial that would help with the brain swelling in his frontal lobe, no doubt caused by whatever they did to his left eye, and injected it into his right forearm, holding his wrist in her free hand. "One more," she muttered and grabbed the second vial for encouraging healing in his ribs, depressing the release once the dispenser was pressed against his forearm. 

Then she reclaimed the water and held the opening against his lips, tipping the liquid into his mouth for him so he wouldn't have to lift a finger. When she pulled it back again he sighed and let out a small whimper as he leaned closer to her, seeking her touch and comfort which she gladly delivered. 

“Thank you,” he whispered and closed his eyes. 

Her stomach clenched and and she kissed his temple before he slid down on the bed, head buried in the pillow. Jyn shuffled down the edge of the bed until she got to his feet and started to unlace his boots, pulling them off. Then she walked around to the right side of the bed and untucked the blankets to drape them over him; it left her without any covers herself but she had no intention of sleeping and she wanted him to be comfortable without making him get up so she could get the blankets out from under him. 

He mumbled something, it sounded Festian, but she couldn't make it out. 

Jyn finished tucking him in and rolled onto her side, her elbow propping her upper half up and supporting her head against the heel of her palm. She gazed down at him and her left arm crossed over her body and combed his hair, at his left temple, with her fingertips as she listened to his breathing. The creases between his eyebrows lessened and he looked far more the man she knew and loved; more color in his face and less anguish etched on his features. Her mindseye flashed images of him in the cell she found him in, reminding her he had been so near death, and tears sprang to her eyes as she slouched down in her spot to be closer to him, making sure not to disturb the bed too much. She kept on her side, facing him and consequently the door, and rested her forehead against his bicep as she breathed in. 

The smell from that awful place clung to his clothes; vomit, sweat, blood, and something burnt. Still, she didn't move back again, if anything it made her want to hold him and whisper sweet nothings to him until he felt better. Rage boiled like lava under a calm, solid surface of grief, but she kept it repressed for now, for Cassian's sake. Slowly her eyes fluttered shut, only for a moment, before she sat back up again to keep an eye on the door and window as her mind drifted, her gaze unfocused. 

_"If you're waiting for my permission, Captain, you aren't going to get it from me," General Solo snapped while Jyn chased him down the hall, the two of them weaving through the others._

_"Who can I get it from then," she exclaimed but he didn't respond and she felt her face scrunch up in disdain. "You're such a damn hypocrite," Jyn shouted. "Leia and Luke stopped fighting the war to rescue your sorry ass from Jabba and you can't so much as look at Cassian's file and tell me where he is?!"_

_Han stopped short and she nearly collided with his back. He pivoted on his boot heels and grabbed her bicep as he dragged her into one of the conference rooms. "You are very close to insubordination, Captain," he warned, his voice low._

_She glared at him, a disgusted scowl on her lips and wrenched her arm free. "Why are you doing this," she asked, her voice gruff with barely contained emotion. "Why was I not informed he went MIA?"_

_"His mission was need to know and you didn't need to know," he replied, looming over her where they stood nearly chest to chest. "I'm sorry but those are the facts."_

_Without thinking, Jyn shot her right hand up and slammed the heel of her palm under Solo's nose._

_His head snapped back and when he came back down, he nearly took a knee. "What the kark?!"_

_She spun to turn her back and opened the door. "I'll tell you what you can do with your permission, General…" she muttered before walking out._

_That night she broke into Med Bay and stole whatever she could get her hands on and some things she couldn't; not without breaking some locks. She went to their room and grabbed some extra clothes, mostly for Cassian, and finally went to the control center and hacked the alliance terminal -- for the first time in her career in the rebellion -- and got the 'need to know' files on Cassian's latest, month long mission._

_When she went to the hangar to take a shuttle to find Cassian, she had every intention of taking one of the smaller shuttles, just big enough for the two of them. However, when she saw her sitting there, recently fixed up by alliance mechanics, her grudge against Solo instilled a new idea and it brought a mischievous grin to her lips as she approached the falcon with three bags over her shoulders. She got the falcon in the air and took off before anyone could realize it was an unauthorized lift off -- in a ship that she was not cleared to pilot._

_The whole way to the outer rim, she listened to Cassian's mission logs and followed along with his movements by reading the maps and notes. It was bittersweet, to see his face and hear his voice in the holograms. The last time she had seen him had been the night before he left. She had kept her concern, her bad feeling, to herself -- knowing what he would say but not wanting to put him on edge -- and she wished she had said something. Hugged him longer. Kissed him more passionately._

_No one had told her but he had dropped communications with them three days before he was due to complete his mission and return. He missed his check-in. She didn't find out until four days later, she left on the fifth day, and finally found him two days after that._

Jyn startled back to reality at the sound of Cassian's strangled cry in the back of his throat. It was soft at first but just as she was shifting her position to intervene by attempting to soothe him back to a peaceful slumber, he let out a shout. His head snapped to the right, pressing further against the pillow as his whole body contracted into a defensive position, curling his shoulders in. 

He keened then shouted: " _No_!!" 

Her hands went to his shoulder and chest to try to keep him from curling up too tight and possibly rolling off the bed or exacerbating his injuries but that only caused him to start thrashing; throwing his arm up and pulling away from her while trying to untangle his legs from the blanket. 

She barely dodged getting punched in the face. "Cassian!" 

He let out a strangled scream, amidst a rapid flurry of festian words she couldn't make out at all. It wasn't often that he spoke Festian but he had told her, once, that he always dreamt in his native language. Although she knew this, hearing him cry out in the throes of his nightmare sounded so raw.

Jyn touched one palm against the side of his head and he dodged her and finally his eyes opened and he looked up at her, wounded and frightened - his usual, dark eyes nearly black. Her breathing hitched, seeing him look at her like that, and her hands froze where they were until he squirmed away from her. 

"No, don't! D-Don't touch me," he snapped, his gaze -- though lifted to look at her -- unseeing, still trapped in his nightmare. 

She withdrew her hands as though she had been touching fire and waited for him to move or say something again, petrified of his reaction should she attempt to wake him further. 

Slowly, Cassian's eyelids drooped and his body started to relax against the pillows again, his face still turned in her direction. She stared at him like he might disappear if she so much as blinked and watched with bated breath as, in a matter of sixty seconds, he fell asleep again. 

The moment she was confident he was not going to wake up, in a deep slumber, the dam broke. 

Her whole body trembled as she slumped her shoulders, still kneeling on the bed at his side, as she covered her mouth with one hand while the other clenched into a fist and pressed against her thigh until it ached. Silent sobs racked her body and she pinched her eyes shut against the tears blurring her vision, squeezing them free to roll down her cheeks. Jyn's heart was shattered and it left a radiating pain in her chest, stealing her breath. 

It wasn't that Cassian and reacted to her touch so negatively it was that he felt so vulnerable and wounded in the first place; in the throws of his nightmare, even a comforting touch only added to the panic rather than soothed the demons in his mind, in his past. They had hurt him, scarred him, and Jyn wanted to howl in fury, in anguish. She wanted to march back to the bunker and kill every single one of them. Jyn wanted to hold him, love him, but all she could do was sit there and wait. Cry. 

She cried for Cassian and all he had gone through. She cried for his pain and for what journey was ahead of him to recovery. She cried until she eventually fell asleep despite her previous determination to stay vigilant at his side. At some point, she wouldn't remember when, she had curled up onto her side, facing him; staring at his face as her sobs finally quieted to sniffles and eventually deep, even breaths of sleep.

.  
.  
.

Cassian woke to a dark room -- the sky black outside the open windows -- with a familiar pinching sensation in his abdomen, a pressure that needed to be relieved. He blinked into consciousness, slow and calm, and flicked his gaze around the room until his mind reminded him of where he was and why. How. Staring at the ceiling at first, Cassian slid his eyes to the left and saw Jyn curled up in the fetal position, her hands tucked under the right side of her face, with no blanket in sight.

She looked so uncomfortable, not so much the position but her expression was pinched with anxiety and a rage he hadn't seen in years. More than his need to use the refresher, Cassian wanted to reach out and smooth out the crease between her eyebrows and kiss her until the corners of her mouth lifted into a smile. The rescue mission she had carried out came in discombobulated flashes, most of which he couldn't remember the details of, but he remembered getting to the hotel room and how scared she had been, how nervous. 

Knowing that if he failed his mission there wasn't supposed to be a rescue team, Cassian was shocked and amazed that she had been there at all. Alone, nonetheless. His Jyn, a guardian if there ever was one; she had come for him while he had been heartbroken over the fact he would never see her again -- she made it possible to be gazing down at her. 

He reached over his chest with his right hand, to brush his fingers across her face but seeing the darkness under her eyes, even in sleep, the gauntness in her cheeks, and the way her lips were dry and pale, Cassian decided against it and withdrew his hand to rest on his chest. After all she had done to get him out, she deserved the opportunity to sleep. Cassian looked her up and down, checking for other signs of her condition, and caught a glimpse of the dark purple and red around her throat, up under the sides of her jaw. 

Something rotten roiled in his stomach and he clenched his teeth together while studying the marks more closely, his lips pulling into a deep frown that hurt his face. 

Eventually his body demanded he listen to it's warning and he forced himself up into a sitting position, his hands braced behind his back, in line with his hips. After some silent huffs of preparation, Cassian lifted the blankets up to free his legs and swung them over the edge of the bed, realizing she had covered him with all of the blankets cocooning him. His stomach flipped and he looked over his shoulder at her while sucking on the inside of his lower lip. He was committed to letting her sleep, at least a while longer, so he kept his mouth shut and prepared to get on his feet, ignoring the aches that tried to insist he not move. 

"Cassian," she greeted, her voice carrying tones of surprise and concern but also the familiar _sleepy_ that he had grown so fond of. 

"I just need to use the refresher, Jyn," he assured and tried to stand. 

"Wai-" 

"No, I've got it," he insisted, his tone more clipped than he intended but, between wanting her to rest after who knows what effort she put into getting him to this room and his own dignity on the line, he needed to do something on his own. Still, he expected an argument and when it didn't come he checked over his shoulder at her. 

The look in her eyes made something sick settle in the back of his throat; she looked devastated. As quickly as he had seen it, she blinked and it looked like he was staring at another person. Then he realized it wasn't another person, it was Jyn, but from eight or so years ago; unreadable and withdrawn. There was a barrier but it had so many fissures and crumbled edges that he could still see her behind whatever she was using to protect herself. Despite the brave face, hidden behind a wall of understanding and confidence, Jyn was hurting. 

For once, he didn't know how to fix it but he had an idea it had to do with him.

They stared at one another for an extended moment, waiting for the other to say or do something until, finally, Jyn pressed her lips together, her eyebrows pushed to meet in the middle of her face. "Can I at least follow you…" she asked, her voice timid. 

"So you can watch me pee," he asked, amused and turned back to focus his strength and pushed off the edge of the mattress, missing how the frown in her face did not lift for a second. Cassian stopped his efforts of getting to his feet and looked over his shoulder again when she didn't reply. 

She just stared. 

His expression shifted from determination with some aggravation to something less intense as understanding dawned on him and he replied, "yeah." 

With the energy of an excited child, Jyn scrambled off the mattress and walked around the foot of the bed, staying close for support without actually touching him, but her whole body seemed tense, like a coil ready to spring. Cassian looked up at her, still stuck sitting on the edge of the bed, and then looked away sharply. "Stop it," he huffed. 

“Stop what,” she asked, her head going back on her neck so that it looked like she had a double chin for a moment. 

He scowled. “Looking at me like I’m broken.”

“You’re not,” she replied immediately, emphatically. 

Cassian was about to retort with something nasty, he could taste it on his tongue more than he was processing the words in his brain, but she let out a watery, despondent sigh and his response died on his lips. His gaze slid up to meet hers again but the misery on her face was staggering and his back straightened, his head lifting higher in his shock. 

“Jyn…” 

She shook her head rapidly and looked away, holding one hand up in front of her, palm facing him, while she used the heel of her other hand to swipe away the tears that escaped and dripped onto her cheekbones. “I’m sorry,” she squeaked. 

“No,” he said and, knowing his legs weren’t strong enough despite his efforts, he held out his hand, beckoning her to him. “Jyn.”

Her chin quivered and she dropped her arms to her sides abruptly as she stared at his hand like he might bite her if she placed her palm against his. Then she sniffled and shook her head. “I thought you had to pee,” she reminded, huffing, swallowing her emotions. 

Finally he dropped his arm again and stared at her closely. “Yeah.”

“Will you let me help you?”

He paused, kept staring. “Yeah.”

Jyn finally stepped closer but stopped just short of reaching out to him. “Can I touch you?”

Slowly, he nodded, not taking his eyes off of her. Just as she touched her fingertips to the underside of his left arm he looked down and saw he still had the long coat on and he ceased her efforts by grabbing her wrist. “Wait.”

She froze like he had just held a gun to her and looked at him just as wide eyed. “What?”

“I need to get this off first… It’s hot in here…” he muttered, still trying to figure out why she was acting so strangely. 

Her shoulders slumped some as she nodded, then she stepped to stand between his knees and shifted her hands to unfasten the jacket, helped him peel it off his shoulders and threw it to drape over the foot of the bed. Just as she turned to help him up again, Cassian caught her around the waist and wrapped his arms around her hips so she was forced closer to him while he leaned forward and pressed his face against her chest, nose pressed against her sternum. 

It was intimate but really he was thinking of nothing else but holding her and being held by her. 

She quickly wrapped her arms around his head without squeezing him too hard, her fingers tangled into his long, stringy hair, and a sob choked it's way out of his throat; relief consuming him. The sound must have startled her because she froze, her fingertips ceasing the massage against his scalp. 

"Don't stop," he pleaded, tightening his embrace. 

Jyn shuffled closer and bent her head to press her lips against his hair. "Cassian…" she whispered, his name uttered like a prayer, an apology; full of love and compassion. 

It made his heart skip a beat and before he realized he had started, he was crying. Her shirt soaked up his tears and her hands kept stroking, soothing, while she muttered sweet nothings and promising affirmations. He wasn't fully listening to her but he could hear the sincerity and devotion with every promise and reassurance and that was enough. Her voice and her touch grounded him to the moment, reminded him that he was no longer trapped, helpless.

.  
.  
.

Eventually, after Cassian had mourned what had been taken from him at the hands of the imperial loyalists, Jyn helped him onto his feet and into the refresher. Once he had relieved himself, Jyn asked if he wanted to -- whether he could -- take a shower. The option was too good for him to pass up, it seemed, and she was happy to provide help in keeping him on his feet while he stood under the stream.

It took some effort and patience, on both their parts, but Cassian was entirely clean.

Although water and soap washed away the sweat, blood, and grime it only revealed the variety of bruising and cuts over his body. She had already seen the injection sites at his neck, which she added to by stabbing him with medpacs and stims in his thigh and other medicines in his forearms, but now she could see the defensive wounds on his forearms, the cuts on his knuckles, and the gash on his forehead, at his crown. His left eye was less swollen than the day before but the redness in his eyes and the black bruising around his tear duct was still heartbreaking. 

There were many more but soon she didn't have the heart to keep track and stopped counting the number of injuries and areas that were discolored, trying to distract herself by focusing on cleaning every last speck of that cell and his torment off his body. When they finished the shower, Jyn led him to the bed again to have him sit while she dried him off. 

"Stay," she ordered when she was done and readjusted the towel around her body as she went to the bag which had a clean change of clothes below all the stolen meds. Jyn walked back over, focused on unfolding the clothes, she missed how Cassian was staring at her until she finally looked up and she paused. "What?" 

"Are you going to explain?" 

She fidgeted with the bundle of clothes between her hands. "What do you want to know?" 

Cassian sighed heavily and his inquisitive gaze became a little bit more annoyed. "Don't do that, Jyn. Don't play that game." 

With a huff she dropped the clothes next to his bare thigh so she could grab the shirt first and help him into it, arms first. "Your last check in was due three days before you were meant to leave. You didn't call… what happened?" 

"Couple days before that… they were waiting in my room when I got back from a food run," he explained and clenched his jaw, watching her as she grabbed the under garments next. 

She helped him get his feet in and lifted them to his knees before letting him do the rest. 

"Well then, in consideration to the 'couple days before your last check in', it was around six days after that when I found out. I tried to get them to let me go after you but the red tape was--" she cut herself off as her eyes widened and she let out a frustrated huff just thinking about it. "Even Solo was stonewalling me. So… I stole a bunch of stuff from med bay, stole Solo's ship, and came after you… using your logs as a map." Cassian stared at her like she was something incredible and she snatched his pants off the bed and continued, not giving him an opportunity to interject. "Ah… it took me two days to find that-" She cursed, and shook her head. "... that place." 

"Nine days," he breathed and pouted his lower lip as he raised his eyebrows. 

Her heart clenched in her chest and she stopped pulling his pants up. 

"Felt like a month." 

Trying to not look at the haunted expression on her beloved's face, Jyn finished pulling his pants up to his thighs and he did his part in making sure they made it around his waist. She fell back onto her haunches and stared blankly at his chest, processing what he had said while she remembered, long ago, that Cassian had informed her that he had never been captured before Jedha. Cassian had confided it had been one of the worst feelings in his life, being trapped in a cell, helpless. Then it had been a holding cell for a day and yesterday -- for nine days -- it had been torture, pain and suffering.

Her lips pulled into a deep frown, her chin quivering as she clasped his hands in hers, resting their combined fists on each of his thighs. They shared a meaningful look, their eyes speaking far more than either of them ever could in words, and then she looked back down as she brought his left hand up to her lips and kissed his bruised knuckles. When he didn't pull back, she did the same with his right hand; her lips a soft brush against the scabs and bruising.

Jyn looked up and there were unshed tears in Cassian's eyes again. She pressed her lower lip into her upper lip in a half pout but just as she was about to apologize, he tugged on their hands so she would get back onto her knees, their heights nearly equal. Then he brushed her damp hair away from her face, behind her ears, before he shifted his fingertips to under her jaw, near her throat; his touch lighter than a feather. Guilt flashed through his glassy eyes, his lips parting as his throat worked to produce his next words, but Jyn immediately got in her feet and pulled his hands away from her neck rapidly, discouraging any discussion about what happened. 

She leaned down and kissed the crown of his head before going to the bag and pulled on fresh clothes of her own. Once she was dressed, she grabbed a second dose of each medicine and another anesthetic. "Do you want a muscle relaxer," she asked and looked up at him through the veil of her bangs in her eyes. 

Cassian huffed and shook his head. "Are you trying to make me a walking pharmacy?" 

"Maybe," she replied and smiled before disregarding the muscle relaxer but still injected him with the other three. 

After Jyn had gotten Cassian to drink some more water and eat a few more bites of bread, she looked over to the window and commented that the sun had yet to rise again, so she suggested Cassian get some more rest which he quickly agreed to. This time they worked the blankets around his body properly, allowing her to get under the covers with him. Jyn kept some distance between their bodies for combined reasons of not wanting to hurt his injuries and still being a bit anxious about how he felt with touching. Of course she was aware they had spent the last hour with their hands all over one another but the caution remained. She turned onto her side to face him and he did the same. 

"I missed you,” Jyn whispered. 

He smiled, tight lipped and sad but a smile nonetheless. “I missed you," he echoed and opened his arms to her. “Come here.” 

Jyn went to him immediately, not needing to be told twice. They wrapped their arms one another and she pressed herself flush against him while slotting his left leg between both of his. She could feel and hear him inhaling deeply through his nose as he pressed his lips against her forehead and it brought a smile to her lips, blinking dreamily and exhaling slowly.

“I thought about you every day,” he said, his voice gruff as his breath puffing her hair away from her forehead. “From the morning I left until I saw you standing in front of me in that cell.” 

The corners of her mouth tugged down and she shifted closer, burying her face into his chest so he rested his chin on top of her head. 

“I would think of,” he paused and chuckled breathily, “my favorite memories of you -- picture the moment perfectly in my head -- and… replay it over and over in my head until I had every little thing, every detail, _just right_.” Cassian kissed the crown of her head, the only place he could reach with her hiding from him. “Seeing you again… it was all I wanted. That hope... it- it kept me fighting.” 

Jyn sniffled and hugged him closer, despising the fact she was now trembling in his arms. She was supposed to be supporting him, comforting him; not the other way around. 

“I’ve never been so afraid in my entire life. Not knowing where you were, if you were in danger... and then I found you and…”

“Ssh…” he hushed and his embrace tightened around her waist. 

“Sorry.” Jyn winced, realizing she might be making him feel worse about his situation. “You’re here. That’s all that…” she swallowed thickly and breathed in deeply three seconds and exhaled slowly. “That’s all that matters. I love you so much, Cassian.” 

“I love you more,” he replied, eliciting a laugh from her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who caught my easter egg? Did you see it? I couldn't resist the opportunity. 
> 
> Thank you for reading -- you are greatly appreciated <3


	3. Recovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not beta read, as usual, but this time it's hardly proofread either -- this was a crazy week and weekend for me but I try to keep to my Sunday/Wednesday schedule. 
> 
> So, here it is. If you see any mistakes that are, like, _glaring_ please let me know. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy it and, remember, I don't own Star Wars or their characters.

Cassian came up behind her while she brushed her teeth, the door had been left open but she knew he was coming by his reflection in the mirror and it made her heart flutter with excitement seeing the look in his eyes. She kept brushing but the hairs on her arms were already standing on end, a tingle running up her spine as Cassian approached and wrapped his arms around her waist. He pressed his lips against her mostly bare shoulder, around the thin strap of her undershirt, her tunic left on the bed, laid out for her to wear later. His touch had her skin itching for more, a fire in her belly. 

"Jyn," he greeted, his voice husky and she shuddered and ceased her efforts in brushing her teeth, her lips pursed to hold the tooth-powder turned white paste in her mouth. Another kiss was placed against her flushed skin at her neck, just under her ear, and she was forced to break away from his affection, bending at the waist to spit the paste down the drain while she rinsed her toothbrush. She set it down on the counter and flicked her tongue out over her lips, swallowing the rest of what remained of the minty freshness. 

" _Mi amado_ ," Jyn responded, a soft smile turning the corners of her mouth and he chuckled; amused. 

His gaze was blazing with desire and adoration as he lifted his hand to brush the backs of his fingers across her cheek and back, tucking her hair behind her ear. Then he ducked his head, tilting a little to the left while she mirrored him, angling her chin up to meet his lips halfway. It lasted seconds but by the end her heart was brimming with affection and joy; the kiss so tender but passionate she could not help but feel overwhelmed with his love. When they pulled back her eyes were burning with unshed tears and he smiled.

"What was that for," she asked, a little breathless. 

"Because I can," he replied and Jyn felt her smile grow, flashing teeth, as she stood on her toes to wrap her arms around his neck. He returned the embrace and buried his nose in the hair at the side of her head. 

Cassian would have a long recovery ahead of him, Jyn knew, but the fact he was still so open with her -- only ever her -- gave her more hope that they would overcome this together than any promise ever would. They had stayed at the hotel for an additional two days than she originally planned but the owner was more than happy to extend their stay when she offered an additional bribe to keep him placated and quiet. Today was the morning of their fifth day and Cassian was nearly as strong as he had been when he had left for his mission a little over a month ago. 

His wounds still caused discomfort, the evidence still evident in his skin and the occasional grimace, but he was on his feet without assistance and the pallor in his skin was gone, his lips less dry and pale. 

"We have to leave today," she reminded him and he nodded his face against her. "We don't have to go back to Coruscant. We could… we could go anywhere…" 

He pulled back and met her gaze with a knowing look. "Jyn." His tone chiding although his expression was neutral. 

"They _abandoned_ you--" 

"I knew what I was getting into." 

"Well, I didn't," she argued and dropped her arms from around his neck. Cassian let her go and she walked out and back into the bedroom to fetch her olive green, cowl-neck tunic. 

"What, you would have kept me from going," he asked, disbelieving and, perhaps, offended as he followed her. 

"If I had known that it was a non-extraction mission?! Yes!" 

He huffed and leaned his shoulder against the wall of the foyer, watching her pull the tunic off the bed and over her head. 

"I thought we were retiring," she added while pulling her hair free of the shirt to cascade around her shoulders. Then she turned to face him while tying the sash around her waist. "Cassian, you promised--” 

Cassian stood away from the wall and closed the distance to her in two strides. "We _are_. But we agreed to leave when the imperial threat was eliminated." 

She glared but when he reached out to touch her, his hand on her bicep, she didn't move away. "How can you not see what this life is doing to us?" 

"You think I don't?!" 

Jyn clenched her jaw and he added his other hand to gripping her, like he was preparing to shake sense into her. Sense that she disagreed with. Sense she wanted to snap him out of and replace with her own. "I almost lost you," she retorted and wrenched her arms free of his grasp. "Cass-" her voice cracked and she turned her face away from him, staring at the bed to her right. 

"Jyn..." He stepped closer to her again and she realized she had backed away, putting distance between them. "Listen, I--" 

"How can you be so dismissive of your own life? Do you think so little of yourself? Don't you know how much your life is worth?! How much you mean to me? " 

"I'm terrified," he finally shouted, his arms spread out at his sides. "I _know_ what's at risk. I _know_ that going on a mission could mean it's my last. I know not coming home would mean never seeing you again," his voice wavered at the end and he swallowed thickly as he stared at her and dropped his arms back down, taking a steadying breath. "But I also know what's at risk if we leave now, before the work is done: our enemies could still find us but then we'll be blindsided. Jyn, if I let my guard down..." 

She listened to him, their gazes locked, but when Cassian spoke next, his words shifted her gaze to the floor. 

"It happened to our parents." 

"We'll be smarter," she argued, her voice broken; just above a whisper. 

"Maybe," he conceded and timidly reached out to her, his fingertips brushing against the side of her hand; requesting permission. Jyn turned her hand into his and intertwined their fingers as she finally lifted her gaze again. "But being smart doesn't always guarantee safety," he continued, "I want us to be _safe_. You want a family, Jyn, so do I but at some point we have to break the cycle. We can't expect to successfully hide from our fights." 

With a sniffle, Jyn nodded and pressed her lips together into a frown. "What if it never ends? What if we're still here thirty years from now?" 

His jaw clenched and unclenched, this time it was his turn to avert his gaze. 

"You… you don't _want_ to leave," she surmised, her heart clenching and voice wounded even to her own ears. "It's not about you not wanting to start a family or even because you're afraid someone will find us… you don't want to leave the Rebellion." All the fight left her shoulders as resignation set in.

He looked back up at her sharply, his pupils constricting to pinpoints, and lips pulled into a deep frown. "Don't say that." 

"Deny it," she challenged. 

Cassian reached out and grabbed her hands, holding them between their bodies, while he fixed his gaze on them like they were the only thing tethering him, keeping him from free falling into some threatening void. “I just need more time,” he pleaded. 

Her chin quivered as she shook her head adamantly. “We don’t have time,” she responded, exasperated, purposefully brushing her thumb over his bruised knuckles on each hand, the less severe of his many injuries. “It’s going to take everything. Cass, _everything_.” Her voice actually went out on her; her lips formed the word but there was no sound. “Haven’t we given enough?”

Soon he began to tremble in front of her, his grip on her hands like a vice, and her heart broke for him. “Jyn…” His voice carried a conviction, an apology, and _panic_ all in the uttering of her name and her stomach clenched. 

After a moment, she sighed and shuffled closer, ducking her head to get his attention away from their hands and to meet her gaze. 

“This isn’t an ultimatum, Cassian,” she promised, realizing his trepidation was due to him thinking she was saying it would be one or the other. The very thought of leaving him seemed laughable but it was as real to him as her fear of him doing the same. She was petrified of what had already happened to him; she had come so close to losing him. 

He still didn’t relax, his eyes flicking across her face; searching. 

“If we go back,” she started, her head beginning to hurt from the rollercoaster of emotions they were on, trying to think of a way to resolve the rift the war -- the rebellion, in her opinion -- was trying to create between them. “Do you think they would still give you the promotion?”

He was quiet but, slowly, understanding dawned in his gaze and his eyes crinkled at the corners even though his mouth was still set into the dreadful frown. “You’re putting me on desk duty?”

“If you can’t leave the rebellion, the least you can do is leave the frontlines,” she insisted. “That’s… if what I did to come get you didn’t jeopardize everything you’ve built so far,” she added sheepishly, biting her bottom lip at the corner.

Cassian chuckled and they walked into one another in unison, wrapping their arms around one another. The compromise was accepted and that meant Cassian would be safe -- for the most part. While he rubbed her back with his palm, rising and falling along the line of her spine, he rested his chin on her head and she closed her eyes and listened to his heartbeat, her ear pressed against his breastplate; the both of them relishing the moment of quiet while they got their thoughts in order and their agreement settled into the air between them. 

“General,” he whispered, a scoff to his tone without it being bitter. “I still don’t know if I’m ready.” 

He had been offered the position several times and rejected it just as many for the sake of not being separated from Jyn completely, unable to work in the field with her. More so stubborn to the fact that he would make a bad call and get people killed that were following his orders. He didn’t mind it in the heat of battle, leading a squad while on the ground himself to know what they knew but with his keen intelligence he could make a call that would keep them all alive and win the fight. It was different when his team was in danger and he was safe miles away standing around a console.

“You are,” she promised then tightened her embrace briefly as she added, with a mischievous grin she hoped he could hear; “even if you weren’t you don’t have much choice, _amado_.” 

He huffed sharply out of his nose and she felt his chin move on her head in a nod. “Fine.” A pause. “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Well if I’m being put behind a desk…” 

Jyn pulled her head back from his chest to look up at him while he looked down at her expectantly. They had a silent conversation, gazing into one another's eyes and breathing one another's air. Finally, after a long pause, she nodded, accepting that both of them would be taken from the frontlines. 

Cassian nodded curtly before he ducked his head to nuzzle their temples against one another. “Thank you…”

“Don’t thank me,” she retorted and smiled so he would hear it in her voice as she added, “I’m still mad at you.”

His silence and stillness worried her, however, and Jyn pulled back and lifted her hands to grip each side of his head as he looked at her with so much sadness and remorse. Her heart clenched and lips parted to address where his thoughts had gone but he spoke first. 

“No, we’ll… we should go…” he relented, his voice gruff and wavering. “I promised you that we would leave, Jyn, and I’m… going back on it like a-- like some-- ” 

“Ssh, ssh,” she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled herself closer as she stood on her toes. “We’ll leave when the work is done; that’s what you promised. I’m the one forcing you to get out of the field beforehand but I’m too selfish. I know I’m selfish, Cassian, but I can’t lose you. I can’t.”

“Jyn,” he started but she shook her head against his and started to stroke the back of his head, down to his neck, and back again; petting his hair down. 

“I love you, Cassian, and I can’t ask you to betray who you are. The rebellion is a part of you… and even though I don’t like what it does to you… I love you. _All_ of you. And I'm with you, always.” 

_I'm not going to leave you._

He pulled back and when she saw his expression her chest tightened. There was a decision made, conviction in his gaze, but something more, something meaningful. Whenever he looked at her like that a pleasant shiver ran down her spine, like the caress of his hand. Jyn wasn't confident she knew what he was thinking but she trusted it wasn't anything negative if he was looking at her with so much love.

.  
.  
.

By midday they had ditched his old clothes and packed up what remained for the medicine, food, and water into the last bag she had taken from the Falcon. Cassian kept close to Jyn, their shoulders touching, but the plan remained the same of keeping his face hidden whenever they passed a camera; covering his mouth with his hand or looking the opposite way as casually as possible. When they got to the foyer, Jyn slowed their pace with the intention to see if they could time their departure while the owner or other guests were distracted but the moment she stepped around the corner to enter, she saw the twi'lek she had been bribing all week and he glanced over and noticed her immediately.

Jyn prepared to go over, maybe build on the rapport, but he pointedly glared at the two guests in front of him, both were flicking through a datapad, and shook his head subtly. Her heart caught in her throat and her eyes shifted to stare at the backs of the imperial agents.

"This man, have you seen him," she heard the shorter of the two ask and shove a picture of Cassian in the owner's face. 

He looked at it, disinterested. "I have never seen that man in my life." 

The agent sighed heavily and shook his head. "He would have been traveling with a woman. Dark hair." 

The twi'lek glanced at her again and Jyn's hand went to her blaster on her hip. Cassian gripped her other arm, a silent question to know why they stopped and why she had tensed. Just as she was taking a step backwards, with the intent to find another way out, the owner looked back as quickly as he looked away and sighed dramatically, put out. "I own a _hotel_. Do you have any idea how many 'men with women' come through here?" 

The agents were silent. 

"A lot." 

The shorter looked up at the big thug to his right and sighed before handing over a small card between the sides of his index and middle fingers. "If you see him. Call," he ordered, then motioned for his partner to leave and he followed close behind. 

Once the doors were shut and the coast was clear, Jyn stepped back into full view and the twi'lek nodded at her as he tossed the card in the bin below the counter. Then turned his back to reorganize keycards and shuffle through some datapads. 

Jyn inhaled deeply and beckoned Cassian to follow. Although the twi'lek's intentions were clear, she was not willing to take any chances and instead snatched Cassian's hand in hers before she all but ran out the door while tossing one last chit on the counter. They got to the door and she took an extra moment to make sure no one was waiting for them, looking in the direction expectantly, then they left. The walk to the docks had her heart racing in her ears and she could feel in the way Cassian's fingers gripped her palm that he felt the same tension but anyone who glanced in their direction would assume that they were merely taking a stroll. 

Still, Jyn felt every gaze. 

She shouldered past a small crowd and when she came out, she noticed a raggedy, old man peering over his shoulder at them and as they walked further away he turned to watch them go, facing them now. An assassin droid watched them and lifted a comm to his face and reported something but then just as quickly turned and initiated a fight with a spiced out human exiting the building. Blaster fire went off behind him and Jyn lost all patience for keeping a low profile. 

Jyn started to run with Cassian, their hands still grasping one another, and nearly trampled a group of gyzkas, who squealed and scattered under their feet. Once they were at the docks, Jyn could make out _The Millennium Falcon_ at one of the pylons. 

"You stole _The Falcon_ ," he asked, incredulous as they finally slowed their gait to a walk again. 

"I told you I did." 

He was quiet and when she looked back at him, there was a smile in his eyes. Jyn grinned and looked forward only for the smile to instantly drop from her face. 

A group of men and women stood under _The Millennium Falcon_ , looking at it, one of them running a hand along the landing gear. They exchanged some words but from their distance she could not make it out and she stopped walking. One of the women, shorter than her and wearing all black robes and a mask that covered her face, walked up to the ramp, currently closed, and pulled out a device to begin hacking open it. 

"I don't think they're here for us," Cassian muttered and looked over their shoulders for anyone else in the area as he released her hand. 

"Yeah but they're still messing with our ride." She shook her head and huffed. " _Kriffing_ Solo and his damn…" she sighed and rested her palm on the grip of her blaster. "I'll be back." 

As she started to approach she realized Cassian was still walking behind her and she stopped to look at him but before she could so much as part her lips to protest, he gave her a stern look and she relented and continued towards the group of, what she could only assume, were mercenaries. 

"Hey," she shouted as they neared and they all turned to look at her with their hands at the blasters, not yet drawn. "This your guys' ship?" Jyn jerked her head back, jutting her chin at the light freighter. 

"Yeah," one of them, a blonde, lanky man, said and she glanced at the woman, still trying to slice through the door. 

"Having troubles," she asked and arched her eyebrow as one of the burly men stood in front of the slicer, blocking Jyn's view. 

“Mind your business, woman,” another of the group, a man with long black hair, warned and stepped forward to place a hand on her shoulder, gripping it painfully. 

There was less than a second’s time between his palm on her right shoulder and her left hand gripping his wrist as she ducked her shoulder from his grip and turned to be on the outside of his left arm to slam the heel of her palm to the man’s forearm. Her trancheon was out a moment later and she brought it down against the back of his neck and Cassian covered her by shooting the person pulling out their blaster while Jyn fought with the slicer. The burly man started to reach for Jyn but she whacked him against the cheek with her trancheon, providing Cassian with a clear shot -- which he took. 

Jyn took a solid kick to her chest which knocked her back but she drew her blaster and fired a shot at the other woman. They looked around but didn’t see anyone else, Jyn turned to Cassian. “Weren’t there five?” 

The other woman was already behind Cassian and Jyn’s eyes widened as she brought up her blaster and took the shot; the bolt just barely missing Cassian’s left arm to hit the woman in her shoulder. She faltered backwards, letting out a cry of shock as green eyes met green eyes, and Cassian moved to his right while Jyn took the final shot, a blaster bolt to the middle of the other woman’s chest. 

They looked around and Jyn pushed her lower lip into her upper lip as she brought her gaze back to meet Cassian’s. “That was fun…” she commented facetiously. Then she walked up to him, holstering her blaster, and inspected his left arm where the bolt had sliced through his shirt. Her heart was in her throat but as she inspected him, he assured her he wasn’t hit, and a moment later she confirmed his claim; his flesh entirely intact. 

“It was a nice shot.” 

Jyn nearly blushed at the compliment but shook her head instead. “Get on board, I’m going to pay the docking fees,” she said and squeezed his hand in passing, a gesture he returned. Then she stepped over the body of the woman, heading towards the small building at the other end of the docks but halfway there she looked over her shoulder and paused when she saw Cassian looking up at the sky, enraptured. She watched him, turning slightly so her right shoulder was pointed at him, her heart aching as she observed the moment. Her fingers twitched at her side and she shifted her weight from her left foot to her right but within seconds he brought his head back down and opened the ship’s ramp and walked aboard. 

Trying to keep her lip from quivering Jyn pressed her lips together, the corners of her mouth tugging into a frown, and completed her quick walk to the docking manager to pay the fees for _The Millennium Falcon_ for the seven days. 

.  
.  
.

"You broke my nose!"

"Oh please, a spritz of bacta spray and it would have been fixed in an hour," Jyn dismissed with a huff and averted her gaze from Han's furious one.

"... And you stole my ship!" 

"You stonewalled me," Jyn defended, looking up at Han defiantly, growing impatient. "He was in danger and you couldn't be bothered!!" She pointed to Cassian, who was standing to her left. 

"My hands were tied but I knew if I pushed you hard enough you would go behind my back anyway… you'd get what you needed and find a way," he explained, quieter. Compassionate. 

Jyn blinked and glanced at Leia, who was standing to Han's left. She seemed neutral but nodded nonetheless, confirming Han's scapegoat-like decision; he had taken Jyn's wrath for the sake of spurning her to take matters into her own hands when the red tape kept Han from approving a rescue mission. Stunned, Jyn couldn't decide if she should feel grateful or offended at being manipulated, and she looked back at Han, who gave her and Cassian each a meaningful look before he was on again about The Falcon. 

"You can't just take a man's ship like that!" 

"We brought it back," Cassian reminded in his usual, quiet voice; always so soft spoken. "Honestly, it was the only reason we came back -- that hunk of junk is notorious for attracting trouble."

"Now listen-" Han started, offended, his finger pointed at Cassian's chest while Jyn turned to look up at Cassian with wide eyes, her lips parted in the middle, and Leia laid a gentle hand on Han's arm to cease his argument. 

"'The only reason'," Leia echoed. 

Cassian nodded and licked his lips. "We're retiring. The empire is dissolved since the Battle of Jakku… what remains…" he shook his head and finally met Jyn's gaze. "It's time." 

Jyn felt breathless; "Cassian…"

He looked back at Han and Leia who appeared as stunned as Jyn felt. "So, I'll just take my twenty-some years of back pay and we'll be on our way." 

"Where will you go," Leia asked and Jyn stared at her, speechless, but Cassian already had an answer. 

"Dantooine," he replied easily like he had already been thinking about it for longer than just a few minutes. This was no impulse and Cassian never said anything without having thought it through first. He shrugged when Jyn's eyes widened some at the suggestion. "Maybe at first," he amended, "we can keep looking if that doesn't fit." He looked at Jyn again and she turned her head to meet his gaze, stars in her eyes. They had talked about Dantooine a year or so prior, when they first considered a life after the war, a future outside the Rebellion. 

Cassian's eyes crinkled at the corners and to Han and Leia it looked like his usual smile but to Jyn, she could tell he was barely maintaining his composure, excitement was brimming in the way his mouth was twitching. 

Finally, Leia spoke up while Han just shook his head, looking exasperated. "When will you leave?" 

"As soon as we're packed and have what we need," he replied with a curt nod. "A few days?" 

She nodded and shared a look at Jyn, who had recovered from the shock and just stood in front of them with as much confidence as Cassian was. "Very well, I'll look into the funds for you and make the arrangements for your departure." 

They bowed their heads respectfully in unison and Leia smiled as they turned together and through the automatic, sliding door to the hall. Both were silent as they walked shoulder to shoulder down the hall to their quarters. Once the door was closed behind them, Jyn spun around and stared at him with wide eyes. 

"Cassian-" 

"Before you start, just know, I made up my mind before we left the hotel. I want this, Jyn. You're right, we've given enough and after what happened-- the last thing I want is to die and not… I want to live that life. With you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Jyn, and I would rather that be a long time." He paused and lifted his hand to grip her chin between her thumb and the side of his index finger. "Are you okay with retir--" 

She threw herself into his arms, careful of his ribs, and kissed him deeply, her hands tangled in his hair while she backed him towards their bed. When the back of his knees impacted the edge of the mattress, he fell backwards and pulled her with him. Jyn hovered over him, her knees braced on either side of his hips and pushed her fingers through his hair, blunt nails against his scalp. She looked at him like he was her entire galaxy and he knew she was more than okay with it and so was he. 

“So, Dantooine, hm,” she asked and arched a single eyebrow, drawing closer to him, their lips nearly touching. 

Cassian smirked. “Well, ‘there’s history there’…” he murmured. 

She huffed sharply out of her nose then pressed her lips against his, deep and passionate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Endings are hard.
> 
> Thanks for sticking around this long! Any comments and kudos offered are highly appreciated :) 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos go in my special box of happiness and are greatly appreciated!
> 
> **THANK YOU!**  
> 


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